If you have been following today's TV serials, you would have seen that extra marital affair is a common highlighted issue. A third persons intervention often cools the cosyness between a couple. Television being a reflection of real life, it's clear that such spouse stealing can and does happen.
Poaching has now shifted out of forest reserves and is making predatory moves into our own bedrooms. And if you've ever had your partner 'stolen' from you, then you'll know exactly what we are talking about! According to research conducted by the International Sexuality Description Project (ISDP), up to 20 per cent of relationships start when one partner (or both) is dating, even married to, someone else. Evolutionary psychologists call this 'mate poaching'.
In layman's terms, it can be explained as romantically attracting someone who is already in a relationship. Maybe there's a certain truth and logic in tying your partner to your apron strings!According to the research conducted at Bradley University, USA, men are far more likely to admit to poaching than women.
This, he blames on the pressure from "the double standard that it's okay for men to be promiscuous but women should remain virgins till they marry". Not surprisingly so, as society is replete with numerous instances where a woman is termed as a home-breaker when she has an affair with a married man. One doesn't hear that much about a man napalming his girlfriend's marital bliss!
However, what begs the question is why would a person intentionally try to woo someone who is already settled in a relationship? Mate poaching is more about winning another person in spite of someone else being around. It is like a battle or combat. Those who indulge in mate poaching do it to satiate their need for thrill, acquiring what seems unattainable and defeating someone who, by all moral logic, should not stand to lose. Evidently, it is a challenge to steal someone who's involved elsewhere. And the same challenge is somewhat diminished if the love interest is single.
Mate poaching can be compared to a battle of wits. To impress the object of your affections, you have to outwit his/her partner, you have to make the better presentation, you have to market yourself in such a manner that the other person feels that not being with you is tantamount to missing out on the best thing in the world. "It is a mission, where the goal is to get and keep someone, after outsmarting his/her partner
"MATE POACHERS WANT TO TEST WHETHER THEY HAVE THE POWER TO GET ANYONE THEY WANT"
Needless to say, these kinds of relationships generally don't boast of the longevity that other relationships do. Broadly speaking, this is because a mate poacher cannot sustain a deep relationship, as all that s/he is lusting for is something that looks good and feels good. The external factors far outweigh the deeper bonds of love. Mate poachers only want to see how desirable they are. They want to constantly test whether they have the power to 'get' anyone they want. A sense of competition drives them and they often want to prove a point to the whole world. Obviously, they suffer from low self-esteem and they have to constantly indulge in this activity to feel good about themselves.
Not to mention the dreaded 'C' word - commitment. While there are times when these kind of relationships go beyond just a roll in the hay and develop into serious, long-term associations, for the average mate poacher, life is very simple. Enticing someone else's partner into a short little fling has all the advantages of a romp in the hay without letting marriage or commitment get in the way! As the other person is already in a relationship, the mate poacher thinks he is getting into a 'safe zone' where neither partner can expect anything. According to her, most mate poachers form only superficial relationships, and they either have a narcissistic personality disorder or a borderline personality disorder. They strive for love and appreciation from others and cannot handle it if someone attempts to tell them the truth.
And just to prove that men are from Mars and women from Venus, there are certain gender differences in mate poaching as well. Men usually attempt to steal attractive women and women typically try to ensnare wealthy and emotionally generous men.
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