The concept of a partner wanting to change you is more common than it may seem. A lot of people get in relationships where they spend a great deal of time trying to change their partners. In my opinion this strategy is not very useful, and generally leads to emotional pain in the end. Why is this? Because each person has their own values which they hold dear to themselves. This is true no matter what gender, race, or age they are.
Everyone has something that they feel is very important, and there are also things that they don't find to be that important. The things which a person feels are important could be listed in a hierarchal structure. At the top are the things that matter the most, and as you make your way down, the things become less important. This is an important concept to understand, because it defines how an individual will view the world around them. They will interpret things in a certain way, and they will react to what they feel is the right result. So, when you go on a date with a person, you must accept them the way they are.
Trying to change them will make things difficult for the both of you. If their values are in direct conflict with your own, there are only two options left on the table. The first option is to reach what is called a compromise. Agree on what you are willing to give up for the mutual benefit of the relationship, and expect your partner to do the same. The next option is to simply go your separate ways. This will be better in the end, because it won't do you much good to continue in a relationship that you will be unhappy in. Never assume that a person will like your values, and don't try to force them to like them.
Sometimes, you must accept the fact that some things are just not meant to be. A lack of compatibility is one of the leading causes of relationship failure today. You must be compatible with the person you are dating if you wish to find success. Therefore, don't allow anyone to change who you are, and don't try to change someone you are dating. It will only lead to conflict and pain.
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Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam -- a new interactive planning website for dating advice and relationship advice.
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