It is often said that buying a house or getting married are the major decisions in life. But the decision to divorce is an even bigger decision. This article considers some aspects of decision making in relation to divorce.
When we consider divorce, we soon realise that it never easy because it involves pain and distress for everyone associated with it. But there is another aspect, too. When couples marry, the idea of divorce is not even considered. However, as soon as we start to contemplate divorce, we have to accept that it is a huge change in our lives and such a change can be, for some, a reason not to proceed. After all, the decision to divorce goes against the hopes and dreams we once had. This for some people is an obstacle in itself, but there are many others to consider and some of these are discussed here.
For parents, it is the children that present the greatest obstacle to divorce. No parent wants to cause pain or unhappiness in their children particularly if the children are very young. But we have to realise that children are well aware what is going on in the family. Usually, children can detect when their parents are not communicating as they once did. Yet it is a fact that when children are told by their parents that they are about to divorce, it sometimes is greeted with the comments that they could see that was going to happen. Children are very perceptive.
At some point during the divorce process, the family home will change. Possibly, one of the parents will leave the home and this will change the dynamics within it. For children this can be a problem, but what is important is that they need to know that they can see the missing parent at anytime. And it is sensible to make proper provisions for access so the children are as protected as much as possible.
The matrimonial home is often the center of huge disputes in divorce. But is this avoidable? If you consider that the house is merely a collection of materials such a timber, tiles, blocks and shingles then the idea of a home diminishes. In reality, it is the residents that turn the house into a home. Divorce means that the parents have become unhappy in the home, too, so why invest a lot of time in it trying to retain it? Lots of nice houses exists and with the right touch, these can be turned into delightful homes. Is it not better to dispose of the once family home and divide the money received? Use the proceeds to buy another one as there are many out there waiting for you.
Now that the family home and the children have been mentioned, it is appropriate to consider the husband and wife that seek the divorce. The ending of a marriage is very distressing. Equally, staying in a marriage that is failing is also distressing. So, is there any real reason why you should continue with all this distress? It wastes a lot of energy and because of this, is pointless.
In times gone by, did you have love, happiness, joy and peace? You need to remember that these emotions have not disappeared; they are still within you. Divorce or contemplating a divorce has temporarily shut these out of your life for a while, but they are waiting to be found and brought to the fore again.
Deciding on divorce for many people can be more of a problem than the actual divorce. At this decision making stage there are huge pressures in deciding whether or not you should proceed with it and this presents a lot of distress. There are always plenty of people such as lawyers, councilors and other professional individuals that can advise, but in the end the decision to divorce has to be left up to you.
However, many people find that after they have taken advice and formally instructed their lawyer to proceed with divorce, there is a sense of relief. This relief is a release of tension because finally the actual decision to divorce has been made and the rest in a kind of way is just a legal process. Whilst the legal process of divorce will have its stresses, it is a fact that you are moving toward a new goal, namely peace and freedom.
Only you can decide whether or not to divorce your partner. Understandably, both parties, whether you are the petitioner or you are the respondent, will find the proceedings challenging; ending a marriage is painful.
But what is important is to think deeply about divorce and the reasons why divorce is the right course of action now. Consider the consequences of the divorce and the consequences of not seeking a divorce, too. Finally, take advice. Once you have gathered all the information and ideally written it down, rather than trying to remember it, for most people the decision whether to divorce or not becomes much easier to take.
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Rita Willetts runs the Apres Divorce web site that focuses on a range of resources about divorce issues. For more details, go to: www.apresdivorce.com
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