Copyright 2006 Sharron Phillips
What a gift you will give yourself and everyone around you if you are committed and willing to take extreme measures for self care during a divorce. A divorce is a separation from a union and even the most straightforward, uncomplicated circumstances include unforeseen hiccups.
There are plenty of chances to observe who you are in this stressful situation. Healing comes to those who rather than blame life’s experiences, give thanks for the growth potential being offered. I know this is a stretch to accept when you are in the midst of divorce, and I’d like you to trust that it is likely to be true for you.
I made full use of the time during my second divorce to really pay attention to how I was feeling. Even in my misery I looked for glimpses of clarity, wisdom, and understanding about what part I had played in the story. It takes two to tango, so you will only benefit from learning more about yourself, seeing where you need to shore up your foundation, and taking action so that a next relationship will be fulfilling in ways that you want. In order to face who you are, to get perspective, it is important to take very good care of yourself, especially during the divorce process.
1. Set up your own space. If you can afford to have a separate living arrangement during your divorce proceedings and it does not interfere with legal requirements for the outcome you are hoping for, find a separate space. If you are financially strapped, create a separate space in the dwelling you share and make it appealing. Buy yourself flowers for the room, get new artwork for the wall, colorful throw cushions, new sheets and towels.
2. Eat healthy foods. Divorce is a stress marathon - use extreme measures in your exercise and nutrition plans to remain healthy, or become healthy.
3. Get outside, walk, walk, walk or run or mosey or amble. This will go a long way to soothing the jangled nerves you are likely to experience.
4. Bitch, moan, tear out your hair, cry, wail, take a breath and then repeat as often as necessary until you get tired of hearing yourself repeat the saga of your breakup and why you are right and your soon to be ex is all wrong.
5. Start a new career or hobby. You will meet new people, engage your creativity and have a new outlet.
6. Understand that this experience will have an end and a new beginning. Prepare to forgive yourself and your new ex and be willing to move on.
7. Evaluate your friendships and make whatever adjustments you feel are necessary. Sometimes there is a need to make new friends and say goodbye to relationships that are fraught with unrepairable history.
8. Daydream about your next partner and relationship. In order to be ready for a new and improved relationship, you need to know what you want and also need to see what parts of you need healing and nurturing.
9. Get reliable, recommended legal counsel. Be prepared for the process to take longer than you thought. Save your energy. You are not likely to speed up the process.
10. Understand that this experience may be an opportunity for growth and insight. Be gentle with yourself, be prepared to make changes in your life and outlook. Get ready for the adventure of discovering yourself.
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Sharron Phillips is a life coach, massage therapist, facilitator and speaker. Her specialities are relationships, wellness and spirituality. She is currently writing a book on self care for women.
www.sharronphillipslifecoach.com
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