You have chatted on IM, you’ve left emails for one another, you may have even left private posts on public forums. You’ve shared phone numbers and voicemail messages. You’ve learned about friends names and jobs and all those things that bother and delight your online crush.
Things are going really well – so far. You’ve even got a little pitter-patter in your stomach every time the phone rings or your email box is full. But is it time to go offline just yet?
The Risk
Moving your relationship from a cyber-based relationship to an offline relationship is a very risky move. On one hand, you’re taking a risk and an opportunity. The risk here is that you will be rejected by someone you have come to trust and appreciate. On the other hand, however, you may be taking a step into a physical relationship that can be long-term and rewarding.
Anyone who has dated online and turned that relationship into a physical one likely knows that the relationship is in potential jeopardy. Not only do the parameters and rules of the relationship change when you take it offline, but the rejection that could ensure following the offline meeting is potentially devastating. If things come crashing down, you may ask yourself, “If everything went so well online, is it just my appearance that he or she didn’t like?”
The Need
The fact of the matter is that online relationships are friendly relationships, based on mutual respect, intelligence, humor and cerebral things. However, to build a long-term, sustainable relationship, you need to add in another critical component – the physical aspect.
This physical aspect doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but it means being able to see and respond to the body language of your partner. It means knowing him or her so intimately that you can respond to the minute changes in their facial expressions.
Expectations
In order to facilitate a smooth offline meeting, if you are doing it for the first time, keep in mind that you need to be especially flexible. Do your best to avoid certain desires or expectations about your partner prior to the meeting. That way, if her hair is not the same color or if his muscles are not quite as large as you had imaged, you won’t be disappointed.
When you meet your online crush for the first time, it can feel almost surreal - as if you are meeting someone who only exists in your computer or in cyber space. Finally, you will be able to put a face with the name. You can hug, hold hands and actually memorize the movements of that person you’re so fond of.
Keep in mind that the first meeting, no matter how much you look forward to it, will be awkward for both parties. Therefore, make sure that you get up and moving for part of your date. The more you are able to interact, rather than stare across a table at each other, the better your true impression of the person will be.
If you realize that the person you are meeting offline really doesn’t meet the online needs that you have, don’t worry. These types of relationships are very different. Sometimes, the intellectual and emotional compatibility that you have online is just as important as a physical connection that you may not receive.
Therefore, follow your instincts. If you want to try again for a second date, go ahead. Otherwise, don’t stress out over the change. Having multiple satisfying and friendly relationships can be just as important as having that one love relationship.
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