Let’s begin with your Profile as ‘home plate’. If you ever want to get to first base with any dream partner you better have a killer Title and a magnetic Profile. Each person has unique features of his/her personality and their profile should reflect these. A home run is developed over time, but it all begins here with the Profile.
There are some pretty tired words being used in profiles. Yeah, we all like to “eat dinners out”, and take “long walks on a beach” or “in the park”. Let’s try to be different. And even if some people really DO think you’re gorgeous or handsome, it’s in poor taste to mention it and comes off like bragging. So that’s a skip; they’ll move on to the next profile. One I read even claimed he has never had a cavity! (What’s his point?).
I’m trying to say that there isn’t much originality in any of these lines. Most are overused. One-upmanship takes a fresh approach. But not all of us are writers – we know that. There isn’t a writer alive that hasn’t stared at a white sheet of paper, or in this case a white screen, at one time or another. But like everything else, there is help if you look for it.
As I read a series of profiles, I really wonder if they are addressing a target-date. When you have a particular dream date in mind, your profile must be geared to attracting him/her. If you are not interested in partnering with single moms, you must design your words to imply that. If your preference is a tallish guy with all his hair, you have to find a way to hint at this without being blatantly obvious or hurtful.
If you have faults that friends find annoying, it’s best to be upfront with them rather than go through weeks of correspondence only to be rejected and find yourself back to first base.
Let’s understand the written word; aside from the dangers of being misread or misinterpreted, words on paper are totally one dimensional. Unlike meeting someone at a party or a cocktail lounge, your words have no tone, no body language, and no facial expression. In creative writing courses, one of the most important lessons is to write hypnotic sentences. Poets learn quickly how to “move a reader” making someone laugh, cry, or reminisce about a past experience. They do all this with mere words.
As online dating moves from profile, to first response, to contact by phone, to eventually meeting – each level now has one added element; voice, body language, facial expression and tone. Now you have plenty of cues as to your next move -- or not. But this advantage takes time to acquire. In the meantime, you must depend on words to express your feelings and create an image in the mind of your reader.
Lastly; photos. It’s a given that if you don’t include one, your profile is dead in the water. It’s sorta like the First Amendment – it makes everyone think you’re guilty even if you’re not. The most common fear is that you’re married and don’t want a spouse, family or neighbors to see your picture on a dating site. Another skip!
Realize this: not everyone in online dating is movie-star material. But if you post a photo with sun-glasses and a baseball cap, or as some gals do – with hair hanging over ½ of the face, people will get suspicious. Black&White photos went out of style about 40 years ago, so if yours is not in color – we wonder if you dug out your high school yearbook picture. These are big-time skips.
Because millions join online dating every month, it should be fun. We choose a complementary photo, write a personal profile and join our choice of dating programs. Surely among all of our responses is the one we’re looking for. If this doesn’t happen, often the mistake we make is submitting the same photo and profile into a new dating program with the same results.
It’s time to rethink everything.
2006 Esther Smith
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Smith writes for her two websites, a blog, a weekly syndicated Newsletter, and numerous Articles. She is a huge advocate of Affiliate coaching here: affiliate.cashoftheday.com/classroom.htm and Profile Creation here: profile.cashoftheday.com
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