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My wife and I have been trying to conceive for the past 3 years of marriage. We actually conceived 9 months ago, but miscarried. At least we know that there is hope of conception. Now we are just trying and praying to God. Along the way, we've contemplated adoption. As we've contemplated adopting a child, I've stumbled over three main concerns: money, love, and process. In the following paragraphs I'll go into these issues in more measure. You must keep in mind that these are only my first thoughts on adoption as a prospective parent. I've not yet done thorough research.
Finances are tight. We are still getting ourselves out of the financial hole due to impulsive spending habits during the beginning of our marriage. I was desiring to wait to have children, but my wife reminded me that having a child while tight financially is better than not having a child but being more free with money. Children beat out money. (At least they should.) We're happy to make the sacrifice. Although this mindset is just fine for bearing your own kids, I'll bet that an adoption agency has stricter financial requirements for those they accept. Not to mention the fees. At this point, I don't believe we can afford adoption.
When the topic of adoption originally was mentioned between us, I didn't give it serious consideration. My mind has always been firm on having my own children. I've always thought part of the love I'd experience for my child would be the wonderful thought that he came from me. (Yes, I'm planning for a boy.) As I have thought about it further, however, I sincerely trust I could love an adopted child just the same as my own. Love is more an expression of the heart than a magical feeling of oneness. Additionally the thought that I "saved" this child would give some magical feelings throughout parenthood. Maybe I'd dare to think of myself as this child's hero!
The final concern I've considered when thinking through adoption is a fear of the long process. I regularly hear about horror stories of the time and expense needed to adopt a child. An acquaintance of mine even experienced an ordeal where there was a risk the birth mother could take the child back into custody six or so months later. I wouldn't want all this risk before starting the necessary steps. Then I read occasions of adoptive parents traveling to foreign countries to pick up a child with the only expense being a plane ticket. Is it really that easy?
As you've most likely realized, I haven't researched adoption adequately to understand the facts about the money, love, and process concerns. I do know that I will love whatever child with whom God blesses us. This article is only the first step in my desire to understand these issues. I have even programmed a website where I hope to solicit the written experiences of others contemplating adoption or adoptive parents. I invite you to send an article as well. No one needs to be an expert -- I know I'm not! There isn't even a need to be an accomplished writer. Your knowledge and experience on the topic is what matters.
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