Tony Blair announced that he will step down as Prime Minister of England within a year and give up leadership of the Labor Party, which has been increasingly upset with his performance and approval ratings. What Mr. Blair did not announce is that he is just plain fed up with not being properly appreciated by his own party and nation, and he has conducted a secret poll of his popularity in the US.
Dismayed, he discovered that his approval rating is higher than President Bush’s and even higher than Hillary Clinton’s and Rudy Giuliani’s, the two leading American candidates for the next presidential election.
Aware, however, that a person born outside of the US cannot become president, at least, until supporters of Arnold Schwartzenneger are able to change the law, he has decided that he will be quite happy to run for vice president.
Furthermore, a confidential document, aka his notepad, reveals that he doesn’t care much which party invites him to run. He feels he would be a great asset to either the Democratic or Republican ticket.
When his plans for office in the US were leaked, the British Parliament, a surprisingly raucous assembly for the government of a nation which has, it maintains, been civilized for some time, erupted with chants of “Unfair Blair!”
His likely successor as Prime Minister and head of the Labor Party, Gordon Brown, is evidently still a bit of a fan. “I commend Tony,” he said. “Do the idiots in Parliament actually think a relatively youthful and extraordinarily capable man like Tony is supposed to just slink off into a malcontent retirement in a land that, for one inept perception or another, seems disenchanted with his performance. If I were as popular in America as he is, I might run for office there myself.”
Democrats and Republicans, surprised by the news, immediately launched polls to see how Mr. Blair’s presence on their slates might influence the vote.
President Bush, a staunch ally of Blair’s in the war on terror, said, “I welcome Tony’s participation in American politics, but I insist that, if he’s going to run, he does so as a Republican. I didn’t help make him popular in this country to see him turn up as a Democrat.”
Senator Edward Kennedy commented, “If Mr. Blair’s presence on the Democratic ticket helps get a Democrat elected to the White House, I’m all for it. In fact, I invite him to come and live in my home state of Massachusetts. Then we can have a VP who hails from there. So let me just say, Tony, while you left England behind, you're welcome in New England.”
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."
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