The Senate, recently more rancorous than usual in terms of bipartisan backbiting, decided to offer an outlet for the aggressive behavior by voting to install a boxing ring. In an effort to allow for the widespread lack of physical conditioning, all fights will be limited to one round.
The first fight scheduled is between the outspoken liberal Democrat from Massachusetts, Senator Edward Kennedy, and the feisty Republican who hails from the state of Tennessee, Bill Frist.
At the pre-match weigh-in, Kennedy stated, “I can’t tell you how much I’ve been hoping to get into the ring with this Demo basher. I’ll moider the bum.”
Frist counterpunched with, “Sez who? I’m gonna flatten your face, you bleedin’-heart liberal.”
President Bush applauded the start of bipartisan boxing in the Senate, saying, “I think a little honest competition is always a good thing. You can be sure I’ll be rooting for the pugilists who are on the Republican side of the ring.”
Dennis Hastert maintained that, while he himself is far too portly even to go one round, the advent of boxing in the Congress “couldn’t have begun at a more auspicious time. Elections are coming up, and I’m sure folks all across America will be watching to see who the winners are. As you know, most folks like to go with the fella who’s still standing when all the punching is over.”
Don King, the steely haired boxing promoter, said, “I look at it this way. If any of these Senators turns out to pack a punch, I’ll sign him for a bout in Vegas. These days, going in he’s already better known that any heavyweight in the sport.”
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."
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