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If you think you've got a weed problem, you haven't met the genetically engineered grass that was recently found growing in the wild near field tests of the mighty new tendril that were conducted a few years ago.
The grass is being developed in a joint effort by the Scotts Miracle-Gro Company and Monsanto for a vital purpose: golf courses. Since it can stand up even to the ravages of Roundup, its tenacity is intended to allow keepers of the unblemished greenswards to spray indiscriminately but only kill the weeds. Imagine: the weeds die but the grass lives.
The Department of Agriculture is conducting an impact study.
Meanwhile, if the resilient blades continue to spread, we can envision weekend lawn keepers crashing the steel blades of their riding mowers into it, watching the orange mono on their weed whackers get shredded by it, and finally becoming so distraught that they drag out the family shotgun and fire away at it.
While most plants that are being developed do not have correlates in the wild that they can replace, it's just such a foolhardy use of the promising science of biotech, in terms of feeding the earth's increasing billions, that can trim its lawn before it has a chance to grow into something more welcome that invincible grass.
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."
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