President Chavez of Venezuela, responding to the Chevron discovery of new oil reserves in the deep waters of the Gulf of Mexico, which more than double America’s known reserves, stated, “What do these gringos mean – new oil reserves? These oil reserves are the result of an oil leak from Venezuela.”
A reporter asked, “How have you been able to determine that, President Chavez?”
“No problem,” Chavez said, reaching into his pocket. “I have an oil-pressure gauge that I carry with me at all times, and I check the pressure in Venezuela’s oil wells every single day.”
He held up the implement. “See, an oil-pressure gauge. So one day last week, I noticed a drop. Next thing I know, Chevron reports a big find. I demand that the imperialist US plug the leak or I’ll say even more nice things about Castro.”
President Bush, when queried about Chavez’s position, said, “As you know, I have been a champion of American oil independence, and it’s a poor loser like Chavez who makes me advocate it. Here’s what I say back.”
At this point, he reached into a presidential pocket and pulled out an American-made oil-pressure gauge. “I have my little measuring device, too, and I have determined that all the oil pressure in Venezuela is actually the result of a leak from the Gulf of Mexico. So I demand that Chavez plug the wells in his own country and start to buy oil from us. I also demand a complete refund for all the oil we bought from Venezuela before we found out it came from America.”
How will the high-pressure debate work out? We are, it seems, at the mercy of time and the highly competitive effort of drilling for dollars.
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."
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